Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
