So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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