"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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