I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
