Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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