I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
