Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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