she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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