Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
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we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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