I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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