I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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