The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
