we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
