She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
