Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
