sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
