Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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