Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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