I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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