so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
