so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
