dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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