Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
