he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
