Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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