I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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