I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
