Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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