When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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