OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
