a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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