Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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