rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
