I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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