I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
