I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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