Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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