when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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