There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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