Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We have started to decorate penises.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
