I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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