its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
