i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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