Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
