I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
