Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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