just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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