wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
