I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
