i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i drank out of a bidet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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