Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
