Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
