Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
