you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
