if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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