just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
